Gofnibhap Budtapzan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, omniscient skunk.

Gofnibhap Budtapzan created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofnibhap Budtapzan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gofnibhap Budtapzan, she will not invite you to parties.

Gofnibhap Budtapzan's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gofnibhap Budtapzan's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Gofnibhap Budtapzan.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Do not trade with those who eat lemons.