Weecetyatt is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, self-assured narwhal.

Weecetyatt created matter seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Weecetyatt, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Weecetyatt, it will turn you into a tree.

Weecetyatt's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Weecetyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Always obey Weecetyatt's priests.

3. Never feed coconuts to horses while wearing purple rings.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Learn six new languages a year.