Sastarpfenlibpin is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, sage beaver.

Sastarpfenlibpin created life three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sastarpfenlibpin, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sastarpfenlibpin, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Sastarpfenlibpin's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Sastarpfenlibpin's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat parsnips.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics near rats while wearing gray rings and balancing three gold spheres on your back.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Erect six zinc sculptures of Sastarpfenlibpin on top of important buildings.

5. Badgers are not to be trusted.