Artlakfen is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, intelligent jaguar.

Artlakfen created light eight million years ago.

If you believe in Artlakfen, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Artlakfen, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Artlakfen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Artlakfen's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Artlakfen in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dogs.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never sing in the presence of capybaras.