Bastrawpang is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, wise spider.

Bastrawpang created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastrawpang, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bastrawpang, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Bastrawpang's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Bastrawpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention turtles.

2. Never talk about ultrasonics.

3. Always wear brown.

4. Never feed spinach to capybaras while wearing red shirts.

5. Never sing in the presence of aardvarks.