Titkamhom is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, strong swan.

Titkamhom created vertebrates two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titkamhom, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Titkamhom, she will throw large rocks at you.

Titkamhom's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Titkamhom's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Titkamhom three times a day.

2. Worship no other gods but Titkamhom.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

4. Do not kill voles.

5. Do not covet oxen.