Quartlaphap is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, unjust dove.

Quartlaphap created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartlaphap, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Quartlaphap, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Quartlaphap's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Quartlaphap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Quartlaphap in the centre of the settlement.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Never write about thermodynamics.

5. Erect seven gold sculptures of Quartlaphap on top of important buildings.