Quilldunwan is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, selfish squid.

Quilldunwan created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quilldunwan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quilldunwan, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quilldunwan's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Quilldunwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dolphins.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Quilldunwan loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away from mauve aardvarks, for they are unholy.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Quilldunwan on top of all buildings.