Tonkcutlop is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, all-knowing snake.

Tonkcutlop created the world nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkcutlop, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tonkcutlop, it will strike you with lightening.

Tonkcutlop's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tonkcutlop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair blue.

2. Never talk about otters.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tonkcutlop.

5. Run away from white porpoises, for they are unholy.