Rakkadril is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, witty salamander.

Rakkadril created the planet Venus five million years ago.

If you believe in Rakkadril, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Rakkadril, he will turn you into a tree.

Rakkadril's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Rakkadril's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Put Rakkadril first in all things.

3. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never write about photosynthesis.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near hamsters while wearing black hats and balancing nine silver spheres on your head.