Ortcibcen is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous ferret.

Ortcibcen created an up quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ortcibcen, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Ortcibcen, he will turn you into a mole.

Ortcibcen's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Ortcibcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat great tits with great respect.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Hide from fawn monkeys for they are unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not wear white clothing.