Jamqueegxucknib is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, passionate zebra.

Jamqueegxucknib created a bottom quark two years ago.

If you believe in Jamqueegxucknib, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jamqueegxucknib, it will refuse to believe in you.

Jamqueegxucknib's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Jamqueegxucknib's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never think about chromosomes.