Hogsanbeg Sidarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust cow.

Hogsanbeg Sidarn created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogsanbeg Sidarn, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hogsanbeg Sidarn, she will turn you into a goat.

Hogsanbeg Sidarn's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Hogsanbeg Sidarn's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always help gulls.

4. Never eat tomatoes.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.