Lidvinbon Ortmanjam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, smart mink.

Lidvinbon Ortmanjam created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lidvinbon Ortmanjam, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lidvinbon Ortmanjam, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Lidvinbon Ortmanjam's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Lidvinbon Ortmanjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed turnips to doves while wearing mauve jumpers.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.