Gumjipwig is a god.

She takes the form of a small, deceitful manatee.

Gumjipwig created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Gumjipwig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gumjipwig, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gumjipwig's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Gumjipwig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed tomatoes to doves while wearing kilts.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never wear blue trousers.

5. Never talk about stars.