Hitparkbell is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, smart goat.

Hitparkbell created the cosmos two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitparkbell, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Hitparkbell, it will cry a lot.

Hitparkbell's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Hitparkbell's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Hitparkbell nine times a day.

2. Never sprint in the presence of whales.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never go into white rooms.