Futxucktig is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, caring giraffe.

Futxucktig created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futxucktig, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Futxucktig, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Futxucktig's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Futxucktig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about nebulae.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away if nine snails approach from the south.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Put Futxucktig first in all things.