Ban is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, happy snail.

Ban created a quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ban, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ban, it will be very sad.

Ban's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Ban's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed figs to manatees while wearing green coats.

2. Do not speak about pineapples.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ban.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never eat cherries.