Nurtlipkad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, selfish aardvark.

Nurtlipkad created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtlipkad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nurtlipkad, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nurtlipkad's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Nurtlipkad's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nurtlipkad.

4. You must never eat lemons.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.