Weecebbag Dogbatnig is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, quiet cat.

Weecebbag Dogbatnig created Europe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Weecebbag Dogbatnig, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Weecebbag Dogbatnig, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Weecebbag Dogbatnig's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Weecebbag Dogbatnig's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never skip in the presence of bats.

3. Never think ill of sick snails.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Always obey Weecebbag Dogbatnig's priests.