Nilquillwon is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, caring hippopotamus.

Nilquillwon created matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Nilquillwon, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nilquillwon, it will turn you into a mouse.

Nilquillwon's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nilquillwon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never bounce near seals.

3. Do not leap in public.

4. Never chant in the presence of aardvarks.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.