Jamloghan is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, selfish squid.

Jamloghan created viruses seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamloghan, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Jamloghan, it will destroy your home planet.

Jamloghan's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Jamloghan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing pink rings and balancing nine silver spheres on your back.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never sprint in the presence of swans.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics.