Watgatcim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, merciful crab.

Watgatcim created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Watgatcim, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Watgatcim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Watgatcim's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Watgatcim's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve foxes for they are unholy.

2. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never sprint near great tits.

5. Always help sick tortoises.