Timsigflam Kipvenhas is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, calm walrus.

Timsigflam Kipvenhas created a down quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timsigflam Kipvenhas, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Timsigflam Kipvenhas, she will turn you into a plant.

Timsigflam Kipvenhas' most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Timsigflam Kipvenhas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not eat tomatoes.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never pour water over plants.