Barnsabbess is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, selfish dryad.

Barnsabbess created vertebrates five million years ago.

If you believe in Barnsabbess, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnsabbess, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Barnsabbess' most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Barnsabbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick goats.

2. You must love Barnsabbess.

3. Erect nine carbon sculptures of Barnsabbess on top of important buildings.

4. Always obey Barnsabbess' priests.

5. Do not make images of living things.