Habcadciss is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, generous tapir.

Habcadciss created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Habcadciss, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Habcadciss, it will jump up and down on your head.

Habcadciss' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Habcadciss' Holy Commandments

1. Put Habcadciss first in all things.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate capybaras.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never talk about fire.