Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humane hydra.

Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit created Africa three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Gatartnart Nurtfasbunranfadnarllit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never talk about fluid mechanics near dogs while wearing green scarves.

5. Learn five new languages a year.