Ontlamarn is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, tiresome capybara.

Ontlamarn created life seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontlamarn, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ontlamarn, she will remove you from existence.

Ontlamarn's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Ontlamarn's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never sing in the presence of tapirs.

5. Never go into black rooms.