Tonkfagpark is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, moody duck.

Tonkfagpark created the planet Earth two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkfagpark, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tonkfagpark, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tonkfagpark's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tonkfagpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always help swans in need.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Hide if three pigs approach from the north.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.