Figxemduss is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, unfair newt.

Figxemduss created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Figxemduss, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Figxemduss, he will turn you into a puffin.

Figxemduss' most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Figxemduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Do not wear lead on your body.

4. Never mention mites.

5. Respect your elders.