Tifsomgilnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, bad-tempered hippopotamus.

Tifsomgilnutt created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifsomgilnutt, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tifsomgilnutt, she will come to you in dreams.

Tifsomgilnutt's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Tifsomgilnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never wear ear rings.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never mention monkeys.

5. Do not keep nine dogs in a large pit.