Homjapbellnur is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, prudent gorilla.

Homjapbellnur created the cosmos six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Homjapbellnur, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Homjapbellnur, she will turn you into a sheep.

Homjapbellnur's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Homjapbellnur's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Always wear yellow.

5. Do not shave your face.