Gamladgem is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unthinking raccoon.

Gamladgem created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Gamladgem, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gamladgem, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Gamladgem's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Gamladgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never think about dwarf planets.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Put Gamladgem first in all things.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.