Zakhapran is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, pitiless shark.

Zakhapran created a photon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakhapran, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zakhapran, he will send minions to preach to you.

Zakhapran's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Zakhapran's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mites.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate voles.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not kill geese.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Zakhapran.