Stafcemmin is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, almighty gorilla.

Stafcemmin created the planet Saturn three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafcemmin, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Stafcemmin, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Stafcemmin's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Stafcemmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fluid mechanics near gulls while wearing indigo hats and balancing three tin spheres on your head.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never feed melons to squirrels while wearing fawn ear rings.

4. Do not hurt pigs.

5. Never go into red rooms.