Gofnarlim is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, merciless warg.

Gofnarlim created Africa seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofnarlim, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gofnarlim, she will cry a lot.

Gofnarlim's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gofnarlim's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate hamsters.

2. Never write about quantum gravity.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Worship no other gods but Gofnarlim.