Somtomcip is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, narcissistic cat.

Somtomcip created an up quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somtomcip, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Somtomcip, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Somtomcip's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Somtomcip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. You must never eat strawberries.

3. Never think ill of sick moths.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Do not make images of living things.