Flabvonklarg is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, omnipotent rhinoceros.

Flabvonklarg created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flabvonklarg, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flabvonklarg, he will send you a sign.

Flabvonklarg's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Flabvonklarg's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away if eight ants approach from the north.

3. Always treat pigs with great respect.

4. Do not wear carbon on your body.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.