Mapwadster Damhogmeg is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, cheerful octopus.

Mapwadster Damhogmeg created matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapwadster Damhogmeg, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Mapwadster Damhogmeg, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Mapwadster Damhogmeg's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Mapwadster Damhogmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Erect seven nickel sculptures of Mapwadster Damhogmeg on top of important buildings.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always stare at clouds.