Jatlipxem is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, astonishing human.

Jatlipxem created an electron four billion years ago.

If you believe in Jatlipxem, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jatlipxem, she will send you a sign.

Jatlipxem's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Jatlipxem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near nematodes while wearing red coats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your arms.

2. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

3. Always look after injured snakes.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Jatlipxem.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.