Kopmabfun is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, all-knowing whale.

Kopmabfun created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kopmabfun, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kopmabfun, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kopmabfun's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Kopmabfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt gulls.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Put Kopmabfun first in all things.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near snails while wearing orange tights and balancing six aluminium spheres on your feet.

5. Respect your elders.