Bepflanpin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, vain chinchilla.

Bepflanpin created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bepflanpin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bepflanpin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bepflanpin's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Bepflanpin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not dye your hair green.

5. Never think about asteroids.