Lanlabfagcim is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, two-faced seal.

Lanlabfagcim created a bottom quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanlabfagcim, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lanlabfagcim, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Lanlabfagcim's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Lanlabfagcim's Holy Commandments

1. Lanlabfagcim loves otters, so they must be respected.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not take Lanlabfagcim's name in vain.

4. Worship no other gods but Lanlabfagcim.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.