Femyogtadmutvogkenmin is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, unsympathetic dog.

Femyogtadmutvogkenmin created dark matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femyogtadmutvogkenmin, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Femyogtadmutvogkenmin, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Femyogtadmutvogkenmin's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Femyogtadmutvogkenmin's Holy Commandments

1. Tortoises are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Put Femyogtadmutvogkenmin first in all things.

3. Never think about nebulae.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near doves while wearing yellow coats and balancing seven platinum spheres on your hands.