Zimtargbot is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, astonishing porpoise.

Zimtargbot created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimtargbot, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Zimtargbot, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Zimtargbot's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Zimtargbot's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Erect a giant white sculpture of Zimtargbot in the centre of the settlement.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never hurt bats.