Somhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, humorless crab.

Somhiv created an atom six billion years ago.

If you believe in Somhiv, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Somhiv, he will try to impress you with trees.

Somhiv's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Somhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not hurt swans.

4. Never feed aubergines to turtles while wearing black dresses.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.