Bosstonkvon is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, slow coyote.

Bosstonkvon created an electron two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bosstonkvon, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bosstonkvon, it will turn you into a snail.

Bosstonkvon's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Bosstonkvon's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never think about chromosomes.

3. Manatees are not to be trusted.

4. Never go into blue rooms.

5. Always help sick porpoises.