Zogbonkxen is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, amazing toad.

Zogbonkxen created parasitic wasps two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zogbonkxen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zogbonkxen, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Zogbonkxen's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Zogbonkxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.