Zaknuthas is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciful dog.

Zaknuthas created snails three billion years ago.

If you believe in Zaknuthas, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zaknuthas, she will turn you into a rat.

Zaknuthas' most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Zaknuthas' Holy Commandments

1. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not keep three squirrels in a large pit.

5. Erect nine lead sculptures of Zaknuthas on top of important buildings.