Arptonkwan is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unfair bee.

Arptonkwan created parasitic wasps nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arptonkwan, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Arptonkwan, he will not invite you to parties.

Arptonkwan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Arptonkwan's Holy Commandments

1. Arptonkwan must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. You must pray to Arptonkwan five times a day.